My Appa was never afraid of the concept of mortality. In fact, he
joked about it all the time. He often played dead with his eyes rolled up and
tongue stuck out when we were kids and we would tickle him back to life. He would be lying on the bed and would suddenly
point to the window and say "See! My mother! She is calling out to me to come
join her! Shall I go?" My grandma had
been dead since my dad was eighteen and that was his way of making a segue into
talking about how strict she was as a mother. He would use the words ‘kicked the bucket’
when he had to convey someone had passed.
Over the years I saw my Appa lose many of his close friends (most
of whom were his co-workers) as well as his relatives and older siblings and
take it all in his stride. He would reminiscence
about all the good times he had with the departed one, about all that they had
done for him. A few years ago, he lost
one of his older brothers. On our usual facetime
call, he said "I know that he was old and that he lived a good life. But I remember
all the times we used to run around and play rough as boys. I just miss him". He did mention to me once that the only thing
he was afraid of was being cremated after death. He was worried that it might
be too hot. "You won’t feel a thing, you’ll
be dead" I said. "How do you know?" he countered.
How would I know? After Appa’s passing last year, I started thinking
about after-life for the first time.
Where is he now? Is he with his mother? Is she as strict up there as she
was on earth? Did he get to meet all his friends and favorite movie stars? Do American movie stars and Indian movie
stars all go to the same place after they pass? How would I know?
I too play the 'tickle me back from the dead' game and joke around with the girls about mortality every now and then and they've always surprised me with very relevant questions - Mom, what's the pin to your bank account? You and Appa have life insurance, right?! More recently, after my oldest turned eighteen, when the topic came up, the girls discussed about how the 18 year old can technically adopt the little one, transfer to a local school and the two of them will continue to live in our house in the event something happened to both us parents! The insurance will help pay off what's left of the mortgage, right?!
Some ten years ago (sorry, if you already were my FB friend when I posted this back then :)), I was humming the song 'If I die young...', when my little one went 'Mom! you CANNOT die young!' I thought she was going to follow with how much she loves me and depends on me but instead she said 'you are already old!'
Well, I'm older now and that much closer to kicking the bucket!
