A long way

I've come a long way from the girl that I was to the young woman that I have become.
I've come a long way......

from the girl that chose to go to evening college and to work the afternoon shift at her job just so she could sleep in late,
to the mom whose day begins at 6:15 (at least that's when the alarm is set to ring). By 7:30, my older one is shouted and yelled at and is out of the house with breakfast in her tummy and lunch in her backpack. Hubby also leaves around the same time. If all goes well, I will have managed to pick a fight with him by then. Then a quick yoga routine and then round two of S & Y to get the second one off to school. By 9:00, I try to be at work.

from the girl that used to bunk Saturday half-day school to watch the regional film on DD and took off from work to watch a whole day of cartoon network
to the mom who tries to keep her daughters' evenings and weekends busy so that they do not become couch potatoes. I splurge on games and toys so that the girls are not lured to TV by boredom. I take them to the library, park, on bike rides and walks. Whatever TV they watch, I drop everything else and watch with them. I can proudly say that I've watched all the episodes of Avatar - The Last Airbender.

from the girl that had only Maggie and tea on her recipe list and that used to laugh at women who wrote in ideas for quick and easy eats to 'Mangayar Malar'
to the mom that scours magazines and websites for recipes. I cook my own versions of Chinese, Thai, Italian and Mexican so that my kids will eat without a fuss. The fact that hubby prefers 'Rasam Saadam' over everything else is ignored and often mocked at. I am thrilled that my 'Mullangi Sambhar' and 'Paav Baaji' are the world's best as certified by my girls.

from the girl that used to depend on her mom for food, on her dad for drop offs and pick ups, on her maid for clean laundry to the woman that cooks, cleans and manages a household of four and a part-time job and that drives around so much that she feels at home in her van (the van storage houses water, snacks, pens, pencils, notepad, cell phone charger, hair brush and accessories among other things)...I've indeed come a long way.

Last week an older co-worker asks me - 'How old are your kids?' I tell him.
'Wow', he says, 'You have a long way to go.'

Hand me (ups and) downs

There are certain advantages of being the first born, despite the fact that your parents literally experiment with you, on their way to becoming better parents. Almost everthing you get is new.

My older daughter is constantly reaping her benefits of being the first born. All clothes, accessories, toys, crib, storller, bedding, bicycles one, two and three were and are all brand new. Being the first born in the family and among our close group of friends, she gets absolutely no hand me downs. Where as, my second one gets tons of them, not only from her sister but from an older cousin and friends. She is actually excited when she gets them! Before she gets into an outfit, she always asks - now remind me again... whose shirt was this?! - and fondly remembers the person who gave it to her.

I am first born too. I had new clothes, new toys, new bicycle (new tvs champ and Kinetic Honda). It wasn't untill I was in ninth grade or so that my mom realsied that my cousin, a year older than me, who lived in Coimbatore, had the same books for school as I did. Her books looked brand new; even the ones that she had bought from her seniors! I was actually thrilled to use those second hand books. They had notes all over in my cousin's perfect pearl like handwriting. Apart from the books, I never had to use anything that someone else didn't need but was still in good condition.

The other morning, as my daughter was getting ready for school, I pulled out a new pair of mary jane shoes that I had bought during last year's sale. 'Wear these with your skirt. They'll look nice' I said. She tried them on. Both of us were disappointed when they did not fit her. As I stood staring at her feet wondering how fast they had grown, she said 'Well, now you can have them!'

Boys will be boys and men too

Met up with some friends after a long time...(made some new ones too!).
They all wondered at how my girls had grown up. Some said I looked the same (Yay! I think...). But I was amazed at how they were still the same and at how much they had changed at the same time...

I knew them as boys. Now I see them as husbands and dads. I see the boys lazing around in chairs. I see the husband quickly getting up and moving into the next room to hold a quiet conversation with the wife. I see the boys joking and pulling each other's legs. I see the dad bragging about his kid's ability to recognize 'brown' or worrying about his child being cranky after missing nap time. I used to see them with back packs, long engineering tools sticking out from them. Now I see them with heavy SLRs and sleek iphones. They are hardly the boys I knew. They haven't changed a bit.

The three hour meet-up was so worth the 300 minute drive.

We're almost there...

Just before a train ride to downtown Chicago, i gave the usual warning to my girls - Use the bathroom now if you need to. In spite of this, my six year old, about 15 minutes through the ride, announced that she had to go NOW. I gave her the look and then decided that was not going to work, because we had at least another hour to go before we arrived at the station. So i tried to distract her - Do you want to play with the phone? We're almost there. Why don't you try to sing that song that your music teacher taught you, in your mind and see if you remember the whole song? Let's play red pinch - you pinch me every time you see a red car! We're almost there.

Finally the station did arrive. We raced to the bathroom only to find a loooong line outside. We're almost there, just march in place - I told her. I also asked if she quickly wanted to run into the men's room (surprise surprise - no line there) while i waited outside. 'No way' - she said. About five minutes later, she finally found relief!

This morning on my way to work, i notice the 'fuel empty' light on the dash board. I've been driving around with that light on for the last three days. I know there is a gas station at the next signal...now if I can only let my car know - We're almost there...

What goes around....

In my first year of college, my parents got me a TVS 50. My mom actually accompanied me to the RTO office in Guindy and tried to get me a learner's licence without bribing anyone.(that didn't work; my dad had to pay someone to get me that and later the drivers' licence.) But once I started riding it around, she got very concerned. She used to sit on the stairs on our house and wait for me to get back home safe every time i took that TVS 50 out. I was outraged by her concern for me. It felt like she did not trust me enough to get back home in one piece. 'Don't wait on the stairs for me' - I used to yell at her.

Last Wednesday, I let both my daughters get on eight wheelers each and into a place with no lanes, no signals, no age restrictions, no traffic police except for 20 year olds also on eight wheelers asking others to keep moving. As I was sitting on the bench at the roller skating center, i had only about 43 mini heart attacks each time one of mine lunged forward or when someone else came too close to them. The girls survived with minor bruises to their bottoms and egos - nothing that won't heal before next Wednesday - and are already looking forward to their next time. My little one wants me to don skates and take her hand in the rink. 'No way' - I say - 'I am not getting on anything with wheels unless it also has a seat!' I'll probably never learn to skate... but i have to learn to let go, as my mother did, so they can soar without being weighted down by my concern.

Margo Memories

Hubby returned from Chennai yesterday and brought back, among a lot of other things, a dozen Margo soap bars. He left for work at 7:00 this morning and I lazed into the bathroom at 8:00 after throwing a shout at the girls to get up. That's when i smelled the Margo soap and was immediately transported to my grand mother's bathroom!! No no... not time travel. Scientific research suggests that the sense of smell is the strongest memory trigger. My grandma always used Margo (until a few year ago, when she changed loyalty to Dove as per her doctor's advice). And today I could vividly recall the bathroom in my grandma's Vallaba Agraharam home in Triplicane. It had a rickety wooden door with water eating away the bottom. On the left inside corner, there was a rusted but working hand pump, a metal bucket and a palstic mug. And there was that clean smell of Margo.
My grandma rented a portion on the first floor of the home. You would climb the staircase to a veranda. On the right, the veranda led to a long narrow balcony. And on the left there was a hallway that led to our portion. On either side of the hallway, there was a bedroom and a kitchen that was rented by another family.
The hallway opened to another small veranda that housed the hot water boiler. The kitchen and one room were on the right. A left turn at the end would bring you to the bathroom and the toilet. Over all a dark place, but the one room had a skylight!
My cousins and me have spent countless summer days in this home - playing 'kola kolaya mundhirika' and 'oru kodam thanni' in the veranda...taking off dry clothes hung on the terrace, guarding 'vattal and vadams' laid out to dry. In the evenings, my uncle would take buckets of water up to the terrace and splash water all around to cool the sun baked terra cota tiled floor.
The best part would be when all the kids would sit around an adult in front of a big plate full of 'Thayir saadam' - curd rice and a cup of 'vatha kuzhambu'. The adult would place a ball of rice in each of our hands, we would make a small well in it with our thumbs and that would be filled with the 'vatha kuzhambu' and that ball would travel into our mouths. After dinner, we would carry sheets and pillows up to the terrace and sleep on the cool floor, trying a get a spot as close to the skylight as possible to look down at nothing through the opaque glass.
Hubby brought back, not just Margo soap, but all these fond memories... Thanks!

Yes, No, Maybe

I never lie to my kids. At least, not blatantly. Definitely not when I know I will get caught. I use this technique I learned from my uncle who was and is wise beyond his years. Never say 'Yes' or 'No' to anything. Always say 'Maybe'... that way you are never lying.
'Amma, are we going to the beach this weekend?' 'Maybe.'
'Amma, can we have pizza for dinner?' 'Maybe.'
I did not always use 'Maybe'. I improvised.
'Amma, can I have my friends over for a play date?' 'I'll think about it.'

This worked for some time. But then I heard my 6 year old explaining to the 2 year old - 'Oh! when she says 'maybe', it means 'no'!' I realized that I can't continue with this. It was around the same time that I realized that my older one had invented a technique of her own.
'Are you done getting dressed?' - 'Almost'
'Are you done with your homework?' - 'Almost'
She might have just pulled the homework out of her backpack, she might be half way through it and very rarely she might actually be almost done with it. But the answer is always - Almost.
Did you like your lunch? - I think so.
Did you do well on your test? - kind of.

I am trying to be more honest with them nowadays. They are growing up, they can handle the raw truth. If I am too tired to take them to the movies, that is what they will hear. I've asked my older one to give me 'yes' or 'no' answers. Let's see....

I drop her at school.... it 23 degrees.....
'Kanna, please wear your hat during recess...' I shout as she walks away from the car.
'Whatever' - she mumbles.