Retort to Top 21 things......

This is the second time someone has sent me this forward. When you get past all the spelling errors, grammatical mistakes and badly formed sentences and finally read the 21 points you realise how ridiculous the whole thing sounds.
Obviously written by a US return osmania university graduate.

Here is what i would have said to the guy who wrote this.

Top 21 things Indians do when they come back to India :

Here are TOP 21:
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
That's what Madavan does in Anbe Sivam and he did not come back to India, he was in India.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
Of course, to drink tap water and carry mineral water would defeat the purpose of being health conscious.

19. Sprays duo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
Come on, there are people in chennai who do that on a regular basis. unless, you mean spitting on two people.... wait, there are people in chennai who do that too on a regular basis.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
'That's good manners' - says my daughter

17. Says 'Hey' instead of 'Hi'.
says 'Yogurt' instead says 'Curds'.
Says 'Cab' instead of 'Taxi'.
Says 'Candy' instead of 'Chocolate'.
Says 'Cookie' instead of 'Biscuit'.
Says 'Free Way' instead of 'Highway'.
Says 'got to go' instead of 'Have to go'.
Says 'Oh' instead of 'Zero', (for 704, says Seven Oh FourInstead of Seven Zero Four)
Says 'gas' instead of 'petrol'

So what... add new words to your vocab.

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
Both sentences mean the same. this is what air pollution does to your brain.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
What is there to count up to a million?

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
It is the brain that does the multiplication. Poor guy, you've been thinking with your heart.

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
Nothing wrong with it. In fact, the Aavin system of color coding the packets according to the fat content is much better for the same reason we have pictures of a man and women on public toilets.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats 'Zee' several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
what did you need the spelling for - zoo ??


11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says 'Oh! British Style!!!!'
You've got a keen sense of observation, but you should not be peeking into forms that this guy is filling up.

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
Don't you?

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about 'Jet Lag'.
Scientifically, it takes one day to recover from jet lag for every one hour of time difference.
Obviously, this guy was making up reasons to get away from you.

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
what do you mean 'more'? More than what he ate before or more than what your stomach can take?

7. Tries to drink 'Diet Coke', instead of Normal Coke.
Didn't he speak of health conscious in point 20?

6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
You could have written just this one sentence.

5. Pronounces 'schedule' as 'skejule', and 'module' as 'Mojule'.
Impressive spelling.


4. Looks speciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
You should too.

Few more important
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
That's pure laziness.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
This gives reason for point no. 10

Ultimate one

1. Tries to begin conversation with 'In US ....' or 'When I was in US...'
When you return from Goodoovancheri, you begin conversation with 'When I was in Goodoovancheri....', don't you?